This is not mine, but I wish it was! (0/5)

Gentle readers,
In my prolonged absence, I've done more reading than I have since my days in secondary school. I wish I could promise you some sort of upcoming masterpiece, but to be honest, I've been so completely uninspired by Hollywood that I cannot even manage the effort to hate some of their thoughtless drivel. I haven't even been to see the new Friday the 13th film. I did, however, see that 'The Day the Earth Stood Still' remake, but it was not anything noteworthy in either direction, so I passed.

However, this past Friday, while reading (one of) my local newspapers, I stumbled across this hot little number on the front page of the Arts & Life section: 'Last House a Vile Remake; Parents take revenge on thugs for attack on their daughter.' What a gem! What a work of journalistic splendor! Here are a few of my favorite parts:

'Director Dennis Iliadis' version retains the same basic story - a couple of teenage girls on the hunt for pot get abducted and savagely attacked by psycopaths - but there's nothing particulatly special about it artistically.'


'Iliadis puts his vaguely unique spin on the proceedings by prolonging the most violent grotesque elements and making them more graphic. The result is never scary, but instead feels deplorably gratuitous'

'The physical showdown with the bad guys is wildly destructive, protracted and repetitive; rather than sucking you in, it'll' inspire you to look at your watch, wondering when it'll end.'

Oh boy, oh boy! Isn't that just a peach, ladies and gentlemen? I'm grinning as I'm typing this! Up next* (and I'm not entirely sure when that will be) is another of my favorites, Mel Brooks' 'The Producers' so just stick around. Or check back regularly. Who am I kidding?

* subject to change